I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
