who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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