I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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