A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
