FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize