Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
