Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
