And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
