She's JV to your varsity
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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