Your face is a jimmy john
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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