before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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