Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize