I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
