i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
