good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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