We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
