Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
