fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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