apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
