...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize