Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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