I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
