When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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