hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
