New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
