Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
