well I can't set my house on fire every night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
