dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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