My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
