Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
