Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
