I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is my gift to your gina
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
