life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Of course I have a pirate flag
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
