y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
