That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
