i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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