I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
