my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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