You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
