come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
