Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
