So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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