last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
