Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
