direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
