summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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