Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
