I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
