So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
