Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
someone owes me an orgasm
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
