i wish starbucks made bloody marys
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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