As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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