He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
