From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
