hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
