I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
