i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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