p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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