marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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