We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
