Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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