you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
