peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
